My Joyful Mysteries, and A Revolution of Real

“Let your words be anything but empty.” 

Oh my Sarah Bareilles…that line has been running through my mind, as the cadence of those words beat in my heart.

My plight. In the right now. 

I don’t want to say prayers without conviction. I don’t want to speak down or at people, but speak to them. I don’t want to just tell someone I love them, but mean it, even when it hurts and when it’s hard. I want my words to mean something, and my actions to say something.

I don’t want to stand on a soap box, and speak of things without loving the people who disagree with me, and learning why they feel that way. But I also won’t cower, or grovel to people who only take. I will love them, from a distance, and I will love myself and take care of those that need me. 

I have no time for passive aggressive and negativity. 

I will say “I’m sorry.” And I will say “I forgive you.” And I will work on meaning both. 

And I will not say I like everyone, because I don’t. 

I will not use Empty Words. I will ask someone how they are, and I will look at them, and I will listen. 

I will stare at my children a little longer, and love them a little more. And not take any strand of their hair for granted. 

My words will be anything but empty, because there is never time to take any of it for granted. No moments will be empty. Life will be full, because I have loved more…hoped for better… Believed God…and been brave enough to try. 

  
My heart and prayers are with San Bernardino. Enough is Enough. 

What I love…

Friends on Vacation who find the perfect gift. 

Not for just anyone.

But for me.

A friend who knows that I wear a Mexican wrestling mask when I do laundry.

And who likes that about me. 

We have been through a lot. Together. 

I told her today I couldn’t imagine my world without her. 

I got all choked up. 

And then so did she. 

Because we are kindred. 

She knows me. She gets me.

And she loves me. 

Like really loves me, even when I’m broken and scattered…she loves me. 

She sees me, on the good and the bad days, and still wants to be near me. 

The best kind of friends stand by you,

Stand up for you,

Look out for you,

And never ever stop showing up. 

The best kind of friends 

Shine light in your dark. 

I have friends like that. 

And I would do the same for them…

Because that’s who a real friend is. 

I don’t need filtered, or perfect, or even perfectly organized laundry…

I’ll keep my piles, and my real…and my Kristie. ❤️

  Realization. 

It’s beautiful. 

It’s humbling. 

Today I had a big dose of Realization. 

I have been giving some “things”to God for a while now. 

But I’ve kind of held back a lot of my “things” because of my own fears.

Fear of giving up. 

Fear of letting others down.

Fear of inadequacy. 

In fact for a long time I began to question my own worth because of my “things.” 

Yeah I know, after all this time…I still was. 

But last week as my family stood under the rushing water of Multnomah Falls, as I was hugging my arms around me in the bitter cold, as rain drizzled, I knew it was time. 

I gave these things to God, and asked for a sign. 

I’m someone who doesn’t get signs. Not really. I get little tidbits, but typically I’m led by how I feel when I pray about something. But when I was standing under those Falls I was overcome by how big God is. So I asked. 

Today I got my answer. 

It was in a realization. 

When it hit me, I wasn’t really ready to acknowledge it…so I began to cry. 

  
I cried harder than I have in a long time. 

Not like when life was dark, but because it hurt. 

Because of how it hurt. 

What was said. But more importantly what wasn’t said. 

…..

My love came home and saw my face. Saw my puffy eyes. And hugged me. 

The day had been so hard. But my Love he always shows up. 

I will never know for sure if he called the reinforcements. 

He won’t say. 

Neither will they. 

But two hours later a flood of texts came through…all my best friends showed up. 

It had been a day of great Realization. 

The kind of Realization that hurt. 

But was beautiful. 

And humbling. 

And I realized something. 

It is not selfish to ask for help. 

And we all need love. 

The kind of love that steps up, because you need them.

The kind of love who reminds you of how far you’ve come. 

The kind of love who remind you of who you are. 

Realization. 

Today…I had that. 

And I had love.  

And God answered me. 

My faith was strengthened today…even though it hurt. 

 My God heard me. 

And answered. 

So to those of you who showed up…

I’m so thankful you’re mine. ❤️

the beginning of Advent. 

Anticipation. 

Of hope…of light…of all that God has.

Anticipation. 

Wrapped in lifes greatest promise. 

I’m holding on tightly. 

To Hope.

This beautiful Nativity is handmade in Uganda. I was proud to add it to our collection as the profits go to Orphans in Africa. 

A survivor? 

Yeah I guess you can say I’m a survivor. 

I’ve survived listening to an entire “Fall Out Boy” album…

Well half of one. 

Okay, it was four songs. 

Here’s the truth about Thankfulness…it’s hard. 

It is. 

It’s easy to be Thankful when things are going right, when bills are paid, and children are healthy, when marriage is easy, and jobs are fulfilling…

But life is hard. It’s hard to be grateful when you are bombarded with unappreciative, entitled, inconsiderate, negative, and self righteous actions of others. It’s infiltrates homes and marriages, lives and livelihoods. Suddenly real life happens… a kid is sick, a spouse in unemployed, when death becomes a reality and grief becomes as normal as breathing.

One of my least favorite quotes, is that God will only give us as much as we can handle. I think that’s absolute baloney. Serious bullshit. Many times I feel like God has allowed me way more than I could ever handle, but has been there. He’s there. And I know I’m not alone, but it’s not easy. It’s painful and I’ve many times made it out of things with scars and hurts that have lasted for years to come.

 My anxiety, which held camp in my head most of my life- is a perfect example. I couldn’t travel for a period, leave my kids, or sleep for a long time. It encompassed every decision I made, or failed to make. It ruined friendships and made chaos in my marriage. 

So where does Thankfulness come in? I think the first part is recognizing that being thankful for the littlest things in the midst of real life are an incredible gift.  It’s acknowledging the beauty of the everyday blessing. Today I helped my Grandma into a car and froze the action of buckling her in and kissing her soft cheek in my memory. It’s stuffing celery with my sister Hannah who I hurt when I missed her graduation because my anxiety was all encompassing, but who forgave me. It’s looking at my kids and seeing the beautiful people they are becoming…even on the days where shadows cross their eyes and where they feel heavy with the weight of an ungrateful world. It’s holding my sister who has been transformed and hearing her laugh. It is in our Marta who moved in with us, but has become family. It’s in friends who texted me before I was even awake, because they love me. It’s in the blessing that I married a really good man, he is far better than any person I could’ve ever dreamed of sharing my life with. And I owe a lot to my mom who taught me to find gratefulness on the hard days. 

Today people will take beautiful pictures, and write words about why they are grateful. I appreciate that. 

And I too, am grateful for so many things…

But gratefulness is a choice. Because it is easy to focus on the hard real things. It’s easy to let them wear holes in our heart and in our happiness. It’s almost easier to rationalize and lose sight of the power of forgiveness. 

Being thankful is easy to complicate- because as humans we over look what’s right in front of us, and overcomplicate this most simple of actions. The act of being grateful and thankful for the every day blessings in the middle of every day life. 

In the past few weeks I’ve really tried to put the action of gratefulness into my every day…telling people I love them, and telling them why I am grateful for their lives.  It’s such a simple act, but like I said before thankfulness can be hard. But it’s worth it. 

Not just today. But every single day. 

God doesn’t give us only what we can handle…Life gives us the good and the bad, and the real. But God never leaves. He carries us, he holds our hands, and he finds us on the darkest days. We are never alone in this world. 

Sometimes we just forget to see what’s right in front of us. 

Gratefulness is not meant to be over complicated. It’s meant to be seen. To be lived.

To God be the Glory. 

  
Thank you for reading my Blog the last 11 months. ❤️

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight not a footprint to be seen…because people were smart and went somewhere warm… -deep thoughts by Kristin

Haha. 

Ps yesterday was Grace’s birthday and while I wanted to write something, and I have so many words…I also have a lot going on. And a lot of living to do. Living is a blessing. 

Guest Post by Grace. Age 6. 

What I’ve learned about being six. People can sometimes be a little rude. People can be a little nice too. And since I am six I’m getting ready to turn seven in two days, so I know a lot of things. 

I like to be friends with people who are nice and who like to laugh. A lot. I like to laugh a lot. One of my friends is named is Lovely and she IS Lovely. So maybe her Mom will read this to her. 

Sometimes friends can be a little selfish, but even if they are selfish you should just walk away. But I always forgive people, even if I get sad. Sometimes bad stuff happens. I actually just learned to read. And I’m so excited because my birthday is in two days. And I’ll get to see my Grandma and Papa. 

I love Church. And I actually might go to church with my Papa and Grandma. I got a basketball game today- and my Nay Nay and Nicholas and Ryan came to watch me play. And during the game I stole a ball from the girl. And I did a shot before the game, and made it! My first basket. I love my Coach and her daughter is my best friend Kamai, and she has another daughter named Kaleah who is my friend too. 

I love my Mom who is my best best friend, and my Dad. And my brothers. And my sister in heaven. And my Spanish sister Marta. I love my life. 

When I grow up I want to be a person that puts on makeup. And I want to be a Mom. I might not want to have 20 kids because they would be a lot of work. And I love this blog. 💌💘💜🎼

Love Grace, because I’m awesome. 

  
Word. 

i’ll stop the world and melt with you…