(joyful mysteries note: we met in second grade. She was the nicest girl I went to elementary school with. She has always been one of the most genuine kind constant people I’ve known. Her heart is good. And big. She has one of the most open hearts to Gods will I’ve ever seen. So often the stages our kids are in parallel- or how we feel as mothers- and we joke about if we lived in the same town we’d be best best friends. Because she’s real and honest. She says the hard stuff, acknowledging it with grace. And yet…everyday she loves in big and powerful ways, blessing everyone who knows her. Thank you Angie for sharing your real life, even the hard stuff. Thank you for being the kind of person who loves so openly, and unconditionally. You inspire me. Every. Single. Day.) 

  

                     

                       My Real Today. 
Screaming. Nonstop for two hours. Screaming. 

Born addicted to meth. Birth mother did every drug there is while pregnant. 

Throwing. Breaking. Hurtful words.

Being neglected as a baby and a toddler. 

Self sabotage when anything fun is planned. 

Domestic Violence. Screaming. Drugs. More Drugs. 

Throwing fits over NOTHING. Literally nothing. Maybe…because…it happens to be Tuesday. 

Lost count of Foster Homes. Drugged by the State. Given up on. Helpless. No future at the age of seven. 

My real is that my son has early childhood trauma. And a unhealthy dose of PTSD. Because any amount of PTSD is an unhealthy amount. Tomorrow is his adoption day. It will be four years that he has been a part of our family. 

The most difficult four years of my life. 

Also, the most blessed years of my life. 

Today as I write…difficult gets to be above blessed because he has thrown a fit for the last two hours straight. 

I do not EVER talk about my real with just anybody. Most people cannot even begin to wrap their heads around it. Most people are quick to judge something they cannot understand. But mostly, because I don’t want my son to be looked at differently. 

You see…90% of the time my son is the kindest, gentlest soul you’ll ever meet. He loves in such an amazing way. And don’t get me started on his hugs. He loves people and REALLY loves animals. He is athletically gifted and great at chess. 

Are you ready for it? 

But…we still have that 10%. The 10% challenges every fiber of my being. It has taught me a patience that I did not think was possible. 

It is LOUD.

It is unkind. 

It is his past. 

It is his present.

When we first met him, his 10% was 90%.

He works hard EVERY day. 

He has overcome SO much. 

He has been drug FREE for three years. 

I despise that 10%. I fear it wil rob my son of a healthy future. 

And then God reminds me…it was 90%. 

So I keep praying and working at being momma he deserves. 

My real is hard. 

Everything about it. 

Hard. 

My real today is not easy to share. But…God does not call us to always walk the easy path…now does he? 

   
   
My name is Momma…aka Angie.

I have six amazing hearts that walk around outside my chest every day. They are so full of  light, love, and more than a healthy dash of confidence. I would not have these hearts without my crazy, kind, attentive, best Daddio EVAH, hunka hunka burnin’ love Chris. We have been married for 17 years this month and there is still no one else I would rather spend ALL my life with. 

As for me…I Love to create. Anything. All mediums. And most importantly…I believe God wants us to live our heaven on earth. I try to search for piece of heaven each day. Whether it be in a drink of delicious coffee, the smell of a rose, watching my daughter dig for a worm(in her dress),  or see my boys laugh with their Daddio. My goal is to be present in each moment and see the beauty I am surrounded by. 

Notice I said my goal…doesn’t always work out that way. But, I am very aware when I’m not being present. 

This is my real.