I hate confrontation. But I also hate when there is something truly unfair happening. 

I hate competion. But I hate when a mean or bad person wins. 

I hate criticism. But I hate when people aren’t real with me. Also I was a theater major…So I know all about criticism. 

Writing this used to just be something I did, and then it became more. 

Writing real has been a tremendous gift but has also left me exposed. And a little scared. Scared of the criticism- scared of all the “realness” that it takes out of my every day life. Writing daily has forced me to look at my life more clearly. 

I’m not sugar coating parenting. It’s beautiful, but it’s also so incredibly hard. And draining. And freakishly scary. Because the truth is…we do the best we can, and we try, and we screw up, and someday they are free…to make choices and decisions and go rogue. And it’s scary to let go. It’s scary to release them, and know there is true evil and I can’t protect them from everything. And someday they may marry someone who won’t like me, and they won’t come around…it would break me.

I’m not sugar coating marriage. It’s amazing, and hard. I choose to love everyday, but sometimes loving is the hardest job I have. When things are hard, and when being a team seems impossible. We have grown up together, and towards each other- but we are  constantly having to recommit where ever we are at. We shift and change over the years, and we choose to love. True Love is incredibly powerful- but it is not always easy. 

I’m not sugar coating the real…I will not give into things that will steal your soul…behaviors, and things like body talk and shaming, abuse, addiction, affairs, and other life stealers. I will say something. There are also really unfair things- loss of a spouse, loss of a parent, loss of a child. And there is no words or hallmark card that can bring peace. Grief has to happen. And it takes a long time, and the ache never goes away.  I’m not going to tell you to bandaid away your sorrow. Mental illness is a real thing you cannot pray away. Doctors know their shit. And real people take medicine. I do…and there is absolutely no organic fruit that can take away my anxiety. So there.

I’m not going to sugar coat my faith. I spent too many years trying to fit into a card board cut out of political correctness. It does matter. I have a friend who is Muslim, and we both love God so much. And I know how different our religions are. I am not divisive, but I will not be told what I believe. I am a Catholic. I do not worship Mary, and I am sick and tired of reading some persons writings about what Catholics believe. Talk to an actual Catholic. We are Christians…stop being divisive. And I’m not trying to make you switch to my church I just want to speak my truth…that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and The Life. And my faith is the most important thing in my life.    And that’s all I want for my kids…to know Him. 

Also I’m a catholic who uses the word shit a lot. Shit! I did it again.

I’m going to tell you the truth. I’m not going to tell you that you are a better parent if you stay at home, or if you work. Or if you breast feed or don’t. That doesn’t make you a good parent. You are a good parent if you love your child and try every day. And that’s it. Our children are a reflection of us…and they watch and see, and react to everything we do. Love. Them. Be consistent in love and discipline. Be present and constant.

A lot of times, when the day is done I will criticize and pick a part all of the things I didn’t get done. All of the ways I’m not good enough. I’m not “being” someone. But…maybe this is the beginning of seeing what I’m actually a part of.  This beginning of seeing what we really are doing, who we are, and what we are capable of. 

We could do nothing.

Or…we could be real. 

Out loud. Out now. Do this life. Right now. 

Do shit.