Tonight my middle school youth group led Stations of the Cross…it was a small turn out, half the kids were sick and had sports, but I was so incredibly impressed with the prayers they wrote for each station. I told them to use their voices and their words for each reflection. And they did. 

Like yesterday I don’t have all the best words. I don’t feel that great, probably the windfall of weeks of sick kids and huge events and now here we are…I’ve felt for about a week on the edge of sick, and tonight I’m just worn out. 

So my words are not profound, or deep. But I’m going to use them to best explain what I am feeling right now. I’m feeling as my friend Kari says “all the feelings.” 

Tired: like I could sleep for days. The rain doesn’t help it. And I feel like snuggling up and napping for about a week. So tired. This past week, I’ve coordinated and planned big things, and had to get back into the swing of so much while my kids were in and out of sickness. I am sooo tired. 

Worried: worried about one of my godchildren. Worried that some friends house won’t sell. Worried that my boobs really do hang that low. 

Nervous: About the future. Not sure why…and I’m sure I feel guilty too- because that’s my thing. 

Peacefilled: because tonight I watched some amazing kids, who are incredibly resilient, stand in front of our church and lead…they are the church and I’ve gotten to be a very small part of their journey. 

Happy: today we went to the Spanish Mass. Dyp and I feel most at home there.  I feel so blessed to be raising bilingual kids, and I love the family atmosphere and the music. The family behind us had three boys and a baby girl. The mom and I had a moment with each other as my little girl made the baby laugh. We got each other…instantly kindred. Faith has no color, or language barrier. Familia Es Todo. 

Proud: Recently I’ve been able to witness my kids faith…Jonah was asked to be a part of a play pit orchestra and we found out they are performing during Holy Week. We mentioned it to him, and he didn’t hesitate and emailed the teacher to say he could not do it, because it is the most solemn week of our faith.  Last night I came into the room and saw Daniel praying over Micah that he wouldn’t have nightmares. So things aren’t perfect, but I am so proud of these little things…Because they are the really big things. 

Thankful: thankful for my friends… Who are so relevant. Thankful for my family…and love, so thankful for love. Love that offers real and forgiveness, and casts out all the “stuff” that gives me the bad feelings. 

Right now- I am praying for you…you, who are reading this. I’m praying that you find joy and peace. I’m praying that you can let go of worry, nerves, and guilt. I’m praying that you find real rest. And I’m praying that right now- you can choose to stand up for what you believe in and speak truth, and search for the little-big things…it’s never too late to fall in love with God, and to find your life. 

Even if I don’t have the words…use yours. 

It’s never too late. Your Voice. Your words.

Your Real.

You have Right Now.