February 1. The view from Here

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” -Brene Brown

Courage isn’t comfortable.

Truth isn’t either.

Especially when you have to tell someone and confront something…

This past week- as I said and used and felt and heard “words” I also felt like I was back in Middle School a little bit.

Dealing with irrational people.

Dealing with ridiculous situations.

Giving into Entitled People.

Being Gossiped about.

Being Left Out.

Hurting someone’s feelings because even though I tried, I couldn’t help them.

And feeling like no matter what I said I was placed back in that place where I was up for the part in a Community Theatre play but I didn’t get the part again, because the other girl was the favorite…again.

And let me tell you…While some of the greatest people I met were in Middle School, some of the ugliest were there too.

I was vulnerable. And I showed it. And was embarrassed by it.

I will admit that.

I want to be seen for who I am…but being vulnerable seems weak.

My truth and courage were met with condescending and bias. And I felt defeated.

I still do.

And it’s Sunday which is my hardest day.

But I did a few things this morning. I worked out. I went to church. I helped my kids with their home work. And I thought about something…

I work with Middle Schoolers because they are the coolest kids in the world. They feel everything- and to the extreme…high and low. And I know how they feel…I get it. It is so hard to feel like your voice isn’t being heard, but there is something so real and brave about still using it.

Even when you’re embarrassed.

Even when you’re dealing with mean.

When you use your truth and your courage You learn who the other truth seekers are. You learn who the most courageous people are.

Earlier this year my Jonah was called a horrible name and had a rumor started about him. It was started by people he has been in school with for years and were his childhood friends. One of the most courageous things I have ever seen is him getting out of the car and going to school the next day.

Recently a dear friend has been going through some scary stuff with her child, and has been seeking the truth- not afraid to ask for help, to seek for answers. And her courage is beautiful and unconditional. Even though it has almost broken her- she is so strong.

And this week I saw my son use his truth and courage and while it didn’t work out the way he’d hoped, I will say his character is incredible. I don’t worry about him going to
middle school next year. He has proven so much to me this week.

Each day I am amazed by the grace I have been given to allow myself to find beauty in the vulnerable.

Because there is such beauty in tears and real. There’s beauty in bearing your heart and giving an apology. There’s beauty in the opening your soul to forgiveness.

There’s beauty in doing the right thing…even when you don’t feel brave.

My view in the past year about what it means to be vulnerable has changed…but so has my view of Beauty. Of God. And of Real.

Because crying your mascara off in the shower is not a sign of weakness. It’s just another opportunity to put on mascara again.