Feb 2. Hungry

“Blest are those who hunger and search for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” Matthew 5:6

I was talking to a friend recently…a friend who has felt the same nudges I have towards ministry and is being called to the same things.

We talked over FaceTime, she is in Canada, and laughed because while we are being called to the same things we are both being pulled in a million other directions as mothers, wives, and women. (In fact our conversation was cut short when her daughter’s school called to say she was sick)

And of course there is the reality checks…

When?

How?

Why?

Why me God? Why when I am drowning in laundry…when I forgot to brush my hair before church yesterday…when my car is a mess and I can’t seem to keep up…

On life.

Why me?

Why?

Me?

But then I step outside my situation. And I look back and I look around.

I see people I love. And People I should like and maybe even try to love.

I see your fb posts about what we should be doing, what you are doing, and I talk to you. I hear where you feel inadequate and know that you too…feel like you should be keeping up.

We are hungry.

And we keep trying to fill up. With purchases. With food. With another workout. With products. With celebrity gossip. With selfies. With friends.

And we can’t fill up. But we keep trying. We keep posting and waiting, and striving and even though we are at our goal weight and our house is clean, and we cannot think of anything else we need— we are hungry.

Starving.

And we have been failed. We have been failed by a world that has told us that we can never ever be good enough, that we should try harder. That external beauty should be our definition of winning. That education is more important than living. That what people think of us on social media is more important than reading to our kids at night. That all we need is…

One more cookie.

One more sit up.

One more purse.

One more piece of gossip.

One more Pinterest recipe and craft.

One more…lie.

And then we have it…and maybe a week goes by.

And we are still hungry.

I was hungry.

I was starving for healing.

For answers.

When I started finding it, I couldn’t stop searching.

Because I needed Grace.

I needed Hope.

I needed God.

And once I was started being fed the word, and the grace and the hope I couldn’t get enough…I wasn’t starving anymore because this was a different sort of hungry. A hungry that is content and willing to share good. And good is what we all need.

But it definitely opened my eyes.

I did a few things.

I stopped watching TV mostly. I watch two shows a week if that.

I stopped reading comments on the Internet of articles. Especially the mean ones…and they are usually mean. And I stopped reading most articles too.

I stopped comparing myself.

I stopped pretending.

I stopped filling my cup with things I don’t need…like crappy friendships, letting petty things get to me, I even cut myself off from trying so hard in relationships that were one sided. Because I want to be filled with people who actually like me, who think I’m more important than their phone.

When I realized what we all were searching and hungry for…I looked around again and all I saw was hunger.

*Hunger that can only be filled by living that only can be lived by knowing…and knowing that can only be found in speaking…and speaking that can only be heard by hearing…and hearing that can only be heard by the hungry…and hunger that can only be filled by the truth.

And The Truth is we need God.

Desperately.

We are starving…and there is no person or situation, or amount of money that can give you the peace that comes from knowing that you are being Fed.

And you are full.

And being full isn’t some crazy easy life…not like some Mega Pastors like to say. You won’t be a millionaire. But you will be rich with Grace. Life won’t be easy. But you will rest easy in The promise of Hope. And you may be broken and shattered. But there is nothing like Restoration.

And someday you may be sitting looking at a pile of laundry and wondering…

Why me?

Why any of us?

Because I know the Truth. The Real Truth.

And I have enough to share.

Because I may not be keeping up on life as well as I’d like, but I’m filled to the brim with Grace.

And clean towels.

And hope.

And life.

We need God.

*came to me today in prayer…exact words. Woo woo Holy Spirit.