My Joyful Mysteries, and A Revolution of Real

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” -John Fitzgerald Kennedy 

The month of November we hear a lot about thankfulness. 

But are we truly a thankful people? 

We are so blessed…and so incredibly entitled. 

Maybe instead of just speaking gratitude…we should be living it…day in and day out. 

Maybe we shouldn’t be trying to change others opinions but praying that God will change our own hearts…

To be more loving. 

To be more grateful. 

…and less entitled. 

Love as a verb.

Hope as a verb.

Gratitude as a verb.

Faith as an active part of who we are…

Not by our words but by who we are. 

How we love. 

And remember…who loved us…

In our pride.

In our ungratefulness.

In our entitled messy existence. 

We are so undeserving, and still…

There, He is. 

❤️ we are blessed. So blessed. 

Change my heart God, to love more, to appreciate more…give me a life of grateful for your glory.

The last few days I’ve read enough and seen enough to pull the covers over my head…because this world seems to be crushed by so much dark. But I’m a parent. And I’m raising world changers. 

I’ve taken care of these kids who’ve been entrusted to me. I’ve told them I love them. I’ve listened and heard them. I’ve held them tight. I can’t shield them from everything, but I can teach them to be good. To not be afraid. To trust themselves and to trust God. No matter what. 

I’ve prayed. A lot. With them. Over them. 

And minute by minute I work on trusting God. 

I’m raising mountain movers, and game shakers. 

First step…Trust God. 

Second step…Show them Light. Be a world changer. 

Tonight Micah received the Sacrament of First Reconciliation. 

He is his Father’s Son, so we had to go over the process multiple times. He wanted to feel prepared. He wanted to know exactly how it would go. He was so nervous. I still remember the story Dyp’s Mom told me about him getting his first school pictures…he wanted to feel prepared- so she went over the process with him multiple times so he felt confident enough to do it. I love that Micah is just like his Dad…I love that he needs to think things through when he tries something new. 

As I watched him walk up there I could see how much it took. It was a brave step for him. 

 
This year Micah has grown so much. He raises his hand in class, he answers questions. He is a class leader. He makes eye contact with adults, and is becoming less shy. He still has his moments, but he has grown leaps and bounds in confidence. 

At home he continues to be a light. He brings humor effortlessly, and boundless joy wherever he goes. He is easy going, and has a sweet tender heart. He holds his own in sports and is always up for a challenge. He is the worst smack talker ever…and we like it that way. 

He is finally able to take these classes at church because he has finally stayed awake during church. 

I wasn’t sure what he was taking from all of it…especially since he’d been sleeping during church for 8 years. 

But as we talked about this being the sacrament he would receive before First Communion, he began to tell me about his relationship with Jesus and I saw how he has his own relationship with God. It’s just his…as a parent it is what I long for all of of my children- to know Jesus and have a relationship with him that is all their own. 

Micah came into our lives after some of the darkest moments we’d ever faced. Every moment of his life I have been grateful, because he has been a constant reminder of what it means to find hope again. He is the kid who loves nothing more than being home with us, who gets the giggles when he’s getting in trouble, and who loves all of his siblings so completely. 

There are so many misconceptions, even among Catholics about what confession is…but in my house it is just another gift given to us, to practice and live our faith, always working towards forgiveness and Jesus. 

Tonight Micah was so excited afterwards, he couldn’t wait to tell his Dad, about how the priest Fr Bryce* gave him a prayer to pray every night. A prayer for Thanksgiving.

Today I read this quote by Saint John Paul II 

“Confession is an act of honesty and courage; an act of trusting ourselves, beyond sin, to the mercy of a loving and forgiving God.”

I just love that. 

I just Love God. 

I just Love Micah. 

He’s our son, but first and always…he’s the Father’s Son. 

  
to God be the Glory. 

*Fr Bryce is actually my favorite local priest to go to confession to- so I was thrilled Micah was able to go to him. He was a Anglican Pastor and converted to Catholicism. He is married and has an adult son. He has an incredible story, and I feel blessed to know him. 

There are shirts and then there are shirts. 

Worth documenting? 

AbsoFREAKINGlutely. 

“The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of people who don’t do anything about it.” Albert Einstein. 

The time to pray is at hand. 

The time to do something is here. 

They want us to be afraid. 

But the time to be Brave is now. 

Evil. Cannot. Win. 

May the God of Light, defeat the Dark. 

And may the Good of All stand together for Paris. 

And for the Whole World. 

  
to God be the Glory. 

Thank you. I remember. And I am so grateful for every single person who has served, and has fought for us. I am also thankful for the families who sacrifice so very much. And I remember all of you in my prayers, and in my heart.  ❤️

It’s really unfortunate that she doesn’t enjoy life very much…

But really if I could bottle joy and the sound of her laughter I would be a millionaire. 

But being her Mama has made me wealthy beyond my wildest dreams. 

God gave us Grace. 

I was doing my regular thing… lean into the washing machine, thoughts rambling, prayers spoken in my true voice.

The true voice that speaks of vulnerabilities and inadequacies. 

The true voice that is just waiting for the day when someone decides I’m not worthy of the life I feel undeservedly blessed to have.

The true voice that knows all my hollow broken parts. All my anxiety. All my sorrow. 

And then I heard these words…

“What part of brave don’t you understand?!”

Clear as day. 

I felt those words and as much as I tried to ignore them they reached me…

They were there. 

The words weren’t in my true voice. 

But a voice that speaks directly to the depths of my soul. 

And I realized something…I have spent the past years of my life explaining to myself why it wasn’t the time for me to Try, Step Out, Go Beyond, and suddenly this little revolution threw me out there.

I was exposed, and have repeatedly put myself out there- because how in the hell can I be scared? 

Not with the guest writers who have stood by and written for this blog…survivors of domestic violence, depression, and heart-ache. People in grief up past their shoulders still keeping their head above the murky sadness. People recovering from an addiction and an eating disorder. People who have given up everything to serve God. People who are divorced and raw, and people who don’t know if they’ll ever find love again. People who have scars and hurts that run deep, and courage that is strikingly beautiful. People who have spoken the truth about their spouse being diagnosed with an illness, their reality about adoption and falling in love with their child, and been open about their anger at God. People who have forgiven…

How in the hell could I not be real when I have been surrounded by their real voices…they are the brave ones. 

My truth these days is confused, as I wade out in unchartered waters- and I realize that no amount of soul searching can prepare you for what happens when we stop waiting and just start being brave. 

Let’s face it, we’ll never truly be ready.

But I heard the words…

“What part of Brave don’t you understand?”

And I realized my true voice had been so busy rambling, that I didn’t stop to listen…because maybe, just maybe, my true voice isn’t telling the whole truth. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve been making excuses for my flaws to hide from the real that’s waiting for me. Maybe, just maybe, there’s more.

Brave doesn’t just happen. 

The most brave people I know have worked, and bled, and almost died in the process…and yet, they stand even with their hollowness, even with their broken, and they aren’t afraid of how it looks. 

They stopped waiting…

And they just were. 

So maybe it’s time…

Try. Step out. Go Beyond.

Even though we aren’t ready. 

What part of Brave don’t you understand? 

  

To God be the glory. 

I do. I believe. 

the word for the last couple days…grief. 

the headlines made my heart hurt…there is so much brokenness. 

and I have no beautiful words.

grief comes and goes as it pleases, and rests where it wants. 

grief can bring us closer to God, or turn us away from anything to do with him. 

to all my dear ones, at the beginning, middle, and end of wherever the wave of grief is taking you…swim. 

swim until eventually you see glimpses of hope again. 

swim…because your real matters. your life matters. you matter.