I was doing my regular thing… lean into the washing machine, thoughts rambling, prayers spoken in my true voice.

The true voice that speaks of vulnerabilities and inadequacies. 

The true voice that is just waiting for the day when someone decides I’m not worthy of the life I feel undeservedly blessed to have.

The true voice that knows all my hollow broken parts. All my anxiety. All my sorrow. 

And then I heard these words…

“What part of brave don’t you understand?!”

Clear as day. 

I felt those words and as much as I tried to ignore them they reached me…

They were there. 

The words weren’t in my true voice. 

But a voice that speaks directly to the depths of my soul. 

And I realized something…I have spent the past years of my life explaining to myself why it wasn’t the time for me to Try, Step Out, Go Beyond, and suddenly this little revolution threw me out there.

I was exposed, and have repeatedly put myself out there- because how in the hell can I be scared? 

Not with the guest writers who have stood by and written for this blog…survivors of domestic violence, depression, and heart-ache. People in grief up past their shoulders still keeping their head above the murky sadness. People recovering from an addiction and an eating disorder. People who have given up everything to serve God. People who are divorced and raw, and people who don’t know if they’ll ever find love again. People who have scars and hurts that run deep, and courage that is strikingly beautiful. People who have spoken the truth about their spouse being diagnosed with an illness, their reality about adoption and falling in love with their child, and been open about their anger at God. People who have forgiven…

How in the hell could I not be real when I have been surrounded by their real voices…they are the brave ones. 

My truth these days is confused, as I wade out in unchartered waters- and I realize that no amount of soul searching can prepare you for what happens when we stop waiting and just start being brave. 

Let’s face it, we’ll never truly be ready.

But I heard the words…

“What part of Brave don’t you understand?”

And I realized my true voice had been so busy rambling, that I didn’t stop to listen…because maybe, just maybe, my true voice isn’t telling the whole truth. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve been making excuses for my flaws to hide from the real that’s waiting for me. Maybe, just maybe, there’s more.

Brave doesn’t just happen. 

The most brave people I know have worked, and bled, and almost died in the process…and yet, they stand even with their hollowness, even with their broken, and they aren’t afraid of how it looks. 

They stopped waiting…

And they just were. 

So maybe it’s time…

Try. Step out. Go Beyond.

Even though we aren’t ready. 

What part of Brave don’t you understand? 

  

To God be the glory.