When Jonah was 5 he did soccer.

Well, actually whenever they started to run after the ball, he would just start running…off the field, through football practices, just running. I would have Daniel in a front pack and be chasing after him.

Recently this whole growing up thing has me frantically running after him. I can’t keep up with technology, in fact I hate all the pressure/unnecessary it brings, and I don’t understand why something being lit is cool. How do I explain to him how much the stuff he has to deal with today scares me?

These days loving him now is making hard decisions in parenting and setting limits, while still letting him grow into his own person. Trying to balance it all is hard.

Because(to me), he’s still this guy. He’s still my wide eyed beautiful light who looks at everything with fresh innocent eyes.

I’m still very much that 22 year old girl holding the the newborn- best thing that ever happened to me tight to my chest promising to never let go. To always protect him.

I’m still that 24year old that sat next to him shrieking on a curb outside a restaurant during one of his toddler meltdowns while he was in time out, saying over and over “I’ll just wait until you’re ready to be calm. I’ll just wait right here.”

I’m still the 26 old who sat on the floor of his bedroom as he and his little brother raced match box cars across the floor and had to tell him his little sister wasn’t in my tummy anymore, and that she’d gone to heaven..”But out of all the little boys and girls in all the world, how were Mommy and Daddy so blessed to have a Jonah, and a Daniel, and now a Mary in heaven.”

I’m still the 28 year old who sat next to him, trying to keep up, during his Toy Story obsession. And then through his Star Wars obsession. Then his Pokémon obsession. Then his Star Wars obsession. TheN his bey blade obsession. Then his Star Wars obsession. Then his Harry Potter obsession. And then his Star Wars obsession. Then his Mariner’s Obsession. “That’s amazing buddy. Yep I was listening the whole time.” I’ve loved every minute.

Gosh, how do I explain to him, that even though He has the whole world in front of him…he’s still my world? He may be growing up. But I’m still Me.

So I stand by. I wait for those moments when my tall lanky boy puts his arms around me, and I know I’m enough for him. And I pray protection over him. And I pray for his relationships, his choices, and his Faith. I pray He never
loses sight of how much that can and will guide his life. I pray that for all my kids. On the good days , and the hard days.

And I love him. I love him so much.

I won’t ever catch up with time. I can’t run fast enough. But I will trust God. And Jonah knows that no matter what happens, he is loved. He is so very loved. No matter how far He may run away. God will be right there waiting. And so will I. The whole time.

To God be the Glory. k