When we were first married it drove Dyp crazy when He’d ask me if I wanted to do something and my answer was “Sure.” He has always been someone who is good at knowing what he wants, knowing what’s important, standing by what’s right. I mean the guy drove 8 hours to take me to coffee once. 8 hours. 

I, on the other hand, spend way too much time being anxious about details, who I may be offending, or how many points/calories/sugar grams is in anything …or any number of my obsessions before I make a decision. 

So, maybe that’s why I would just say “Sure.” Because maybe, deep down inside I wasn’t quite sure how to make my decisions count. Even when I know what God has called me to, my fear of messing up has caused me to stall.  It’s the same reasons I replay hard conversations for days and weeks, and it’s also the same reason I avoid the hardest conversations. 


Because I’m afraid I’m not good enough.

Because I’m afraid I’ll fail. 

Because I’m afraid I’ll pee my pants. 

Because I’m afraid you won’t like me anymore. 

Because I’m afraid I’ll gain weight. 

Because I’m afraid I’ll embarrass my kids. 

Because I’m afraid I’ll embarrass your kids. 

Because I’m afraid I’m too young. 

Because I’m afraid I’m getting too old. 

Because I’m afraid of your answer.

Because I’m afraid of what will happen. 

Because I’m afraid I’ll get my heart hurt. 

Because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. 

Because I’m afraid of the unknown. 

Because I’m afraid things won’t be the same. 

Because I’m afraid things will never change. 

Because I’m afraid of letting people down. 

Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. 

Unsure. Afraid. Uncertain. Insecure. Hesitant. 

And don’t get me wrong sometimes the uncertainty is overcome by the spirit in me and I do say something. Or do something. Especially when it comes to my family…but if I do, it means this has grown big and huge, and I can’t just say “Sure,” and go a long with it. If I say something that means the truth has become too big to ignore. 

But I still have to battle with the much larger piece of me that struggles with the “Unsure”  whether it’s fear of throwing things away to advocating for myself. 

And that is a detriment to my family. To my children. 

Because of that I am so incredibly thankful for who my husband is. He says Yes when he means Yes. And he knows that the word No is invaluable. And when he says something he means it. When he believes something He lives it. 

His Words mean something, and His Actions always reflect that. That is a beautiful gift He has given each of our Children. Equally and unconditionally. 

When He went on his First Camino(Read my Last Post) it changed our lives. Actually the Camino didn’t change our lives, God did. God used the miles to carve new spaces in my husband’s heart, to whittle away places in him that had hardened and place new life, and faith, and hope in him. And now as he and Jonah have finished their Camino together, all 150 miles of it, I see the beauty of the time that has been carved out for them. This gift to be together, to walk along side each other, to pray with and for each other. 

One of the entries from my husband’s journal 6 years ago has given me so much solace, and hope over the days they’ve been gone…about the Camino, and about life. 

“Slow down. Take more breaks. Keep nourished. Split the long trips into two days. Pay attention to our bodies. A small rub will turn into a blister, and a blister can become misery. In other words, little problems can become big problems if Ignored. There are so many more…and all the lessons of the Camino are applicable to life, spiritual and otherwise.” -June 18, 2011

When I sent those words to him, He said they were still true. And that he still hates cobblestone. Only this time our Jonah got to learn the lessons along side of him. And Jonah hates it too(if you walk 150 miles on it, you will agree).

And I’ve learned some lessons too. The heavy things weighing my mind the last months(years) haven’t went away, instead I’ve had to look at them head on. Some of them I can’t change. But I have been able to look at the places in my life that I need to change. I need to stop being afraid. It’s not going to be easy…but I believe God is calling me to say Yes to Him, and even admitting the things I couldn’t write here. The hard real stuff. 

Things are being carved and exposed in me, life long things, and I feel exposed. But I’m not alone. I’m “sure” of that. 

Because of a Good God. 

Who gave me this Man. 

(Dyp after he finished the Camino 6 years ago. He did 25 push ups with his back pack on.) 

And He gave me this life. This beautiful hard, glorious messy life. 

I may be unsure about many things, but this is a life I say Yes to. Without any shadow of a doubt. It’s not perfect. There are trials and debts. But there are miracles and riches beyond compare. 

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Because God gave me them. 

Our Jonah and his Dad after they finished. This is one of my favorite pictures. In fact I cry every time I look at it. In two years He and Daniel will take this picture…in Five he and Micah will. And in seven years we will both take Grace.

Yes, Lord, to all of it. 

-to God be the Glory. -kristin ann