I’m sorry if I haven’t returned texts or calls…you see I’ve been busy.

I’ve got kids playing four different sports, and there’s four different instruments being learned, youth group, and first reconciliation classes starting…and my husband works so much. 

I’m sorry if I haven’t made more of an effort. The truth is I’m really tired, and feel like I’m never quite there…I’ve got so much to juggle and so many schedules to handle. I’ve cried almost every night this past week because I’m falling so far behind. 

Because I can’t finish the laundry. Because I can’t get a work out in.    Because I can’t be more to everybody. 

I drove 40 minutes to watch 10 minutes of my sons flag football game, and then drove 40 minutes to get back in time to pick up another son from soccer. 

And yeah; I know it was crazy and not wise…my husband already told me that. 

But he also knows I wouldn’t have done it any other way. Because that’s who I am. 

That’s who he married. 

I’m running on empty. And still I want to wrap all the little faces in my school that tell me their stories, that share their loss with me on the playground, in my arms and give them a safe place. A place where they don’t doubt that they are loved.

I’m failing at laundry, and dinner, and organic produce. But I’m not failing at love. My kids don’t doubt my love. Ever.

So today when I cried again…I thought- is this just me? Does anybody else feel like they just aren’t enough…that’s they’re too far behind…that they may never catch up? 

How do I handle it all with work and three schools, and all the activities, adding in call-outs, and life? 

I recently read an amazing article on minimalism and I’d love to do it, but how the hell do I find the time to minimize? I can’t even poop without scheduling it. 

How do people do it? Is there a gene missing from me that should be able to handle it all? 

So I’ve just gotta write what I know…

And they are worth it. All the busy means that they are living and I get to be a part of that. And I keep reminding myself that they’ll remember the love. So much love. 

And somehow I need to find the balance of sleep, or maybe just learning to let go of my guilt for what I’m not doing right- for how I’m not adding up. Because these circles under my eyes along with my tight pants aren’t really the look I want to pull off with boots this fall. 

So…I’m not there yet. Instead I’m off to pick up Pizza for a fundraiser before I pick up kids from football and baseball. 

And I’ve just gotta say…

Who ever invented the term “having it all” was full of shit. They are probably the same person who invented am group texts, and the comments on articles on the Internet. 

 You can have some, and when you’re lucky realize what a blessing it all is…this busy season. But having it all is too stressful. 

So here’s to those of you like me…who can’t figure out Pinterest and think you may be wearing your shirt backwards- you got up. You got your kids ready. You got home at 8:59pm and everyone got pizza. And everybody loves pizza. And while it’s not perfect…it’s pretty damn good on paper plates. Less dishes. Boom. You can do this. 

We can do this…imperfectly. But with a whole lotta love- and foundation and spanx. We can. 

May the force be with you- along with copious amounts of Diet Dr Pepper. 

to God be the glory.