First grade is a big deal. 

Tomorrow is First Grade. 

She tells me she can’t wait- and I hug her tight. 

I know this will be harder on me than her. 

So many people have said “you’ll finally have time to finish stuff! You’ll have time to yourself.” 

But I don’t want that sort of time. 

I want more time. 

This growing up is happening too fast. 

I don’t want more time to myself. 

Maybe I am different. 

 Maybe my kids are different. 

The way I like having them near. Even this morning when they were fighting…they were in my house. Close by. That is sacred to me 

I feel judged because of how much I like my kids. How much I don’t want a vacation away…I’ve never celebrated them starting school. 

 I miss them when they are gone. 

I don’t miss carpool, I don’t miss busy, I don’t miss being over scheduled. 

I. Miss. Them.

She is excited. 

But she is nervous. 

She has slept in our bed every night the past week. 

She has held my hand a little longer. 

She has asked me to read one more book. 

And I have. 

Just a couple more minutes Lord. Please. 

Because there is plenty of time for them to grow up…

But there is not enough time of them being little. 

I need more time.