She is, and will always be the funniest woman in Comedy. She was the reason I went into acting. She’s the reason I’m not afraid of how unattractive I am when I laugh, because it feels better to laugh than be worry about being pretty. 

I love Carol Burnett. She is gracious, in the best way. Talented, in a humble way. And allows other people to use their gifts and works with them. I want to be just like her. 

“I’m really not that funny in real life. But I’m the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.” -Carol Burnett 

I know this isn’t profound or insightful. But my real is I’m exhausted. I didn’t even really want to share this…The past two years my health has been incredibly precarious as I’ve dealt with unexplained extreme fatigue and weight gain. I’ve seen good doctors and a doctor who gave really bad advice. I cannot even begin to explain the attack this all has had on my self worth. 

An attack I’ve allowed. Over and over. 

But this morning started off with more blood tests after some serious fasting.  I am under the care for the first time in a long time with people who believe me, who hear me. We already have had some answers and explainations(incessant ice chewing +constant bruising=anemia). I am even going all Hippy and seeing a naturopath as well. And I am so grateful for that.  Because for a long time I became afraid of telling someone that something didn’t feel right, because I was afraid they wouldn’t hear me. Because they hadn’t in the past. 

But…

I don’t want to be exhausted all the time anymore. Or freezing in the summer. I want to fit into my clothes. And I don’t want to be so tired. 

And it’s scary to write this. Because as “real” as this is it has consumed too much time and I feel a helpless. Really helpless. 

But I’m working from the inside out. The past year I’ve worked so hard from my heart out- and I’m praying that God gives answers. 

And then I saw this picture. My favorite “Carol Burnett” sketch…where she is Scarlet O’Hara and makes her dress out of the curtains and I laughed. 

Because laughing feels good. And it’s good for my selfworth. On days like today where I’m exhausted, where my parenting is pancakes and watermelon(what we had for dinner) and I’m wearing my sweatshirt outside watching my kids ride scooters wondering if I can wait another day to do laundry…because they don’t fight as much when we’re outside. 

So maybe we’ll wait on laundry, 

Or maybe we can just wear curtains…