As a family we walk together. Through life. 

Somedays it’s easier than others. 

Somedays we walk downhill, giggling, falling into each other as our steps sync and all we hear is the cadence of our family. 

And other days it’s uphill. We are tired and we trudge, shuffle, wanting to be anywhere but with eachother. 

He usually is in the lead. The man I love. His legs are strong, as he walks effortlessly in front. He guides and he protects us. He is an introvert and he is guarded. Sometimes he gets impatient, because I stop and talk to so many people on the journey, because I’m indecisive, because I fall behind…but he waits for me. He always has. 

These kids. These beautiful amazing kids. They are our  best work. Our best gifts from God.  Every single day we pray for them, with them, as we walk with them through life. I have carried each of them. In my heart, in my womb, in my arms. I have held them against me, and now they are getting older. 

They are walking on their own. Sometimes they hang back with me. I like to watch them walk, but then I will cling to them…I long for the days all of their hands fit perfectly in mine. I long for the days when I could protect them from the dust that life kicks up on the road. Protect them from the rocky trail…being left out, being put down, hearts being broken. They still lean into me on the hard days. But I can’t protect them from all of it. 

Because even though I’m right here…

They walk on their own through it. They have to feel it kick up and settle on their shoes, and still keep going. Even when their heart hurts. Especially when their heart hurts. 

I worry as I fall behind about all the things that could go wrong. What if they fall? What if they get lost? What if one day, they keep walking and don’t look back? 

Letting them venture off the trail is terrifying. But I do it. 

Because I trust God. And because they know Him. 

Still, I stop and I kneel and I pray. And then I get up and try to catch up. 

Early this week the walk was a little different. A little steeper. I woke up in the middle of the night sick. Today I found out that the teenager was worried that I trailing back into the darkness again, falling back into the sad places I walked in last year. My heart hurt as he told me these words, his own heart hurting from dust settling in his own life, his own real. Yet, he was worried about me. And it was damn hard to hear and to take in. I reassured him, that it was because I was sick…it was because I didn’t feel well. That I’m ok. That I have good days and bad days, but none of my days are like they used to be. I am still right here. I will never fall too far behind. 

That I’m still right here with him. 

In those moments…I realized that even though I walk behind them…they are aware of where I am.  They know my footsteps and my heart, and they know when I slow down. 

Because I carried them. Because they are beautiful compassionate. Because they are all too aware that life is hard. 

And that’s real. We know each other. 

We stay together. We need eachother. 

We trust God because we know Him.

We stay together. 

My family…

We walk together through life. 

Every single day.