Today I saw a glimpse. 

A glimpse at his future. Suddenly my heart physically ached. The kind of ache that comes and settles, a lump in your throat you can’t quite swallow. At least not yet. 

It was happy. But it was sad too. Because looking at him I realized, he was never really mine. 

He was always His.

When you are Catholic, and have a lot of Catholic friends, your kids know about vocations. Throw in the fact that your Dad was going to be a priest, until he met your Mom who always had the convent as her plan B…you know vocations are an option. And then when your Dads best friend is a priest, you see beyond the collar- and see the person. You see that they are flawed and normal, that they have good days and bad days. It’s not romanticized in our house, but from the day they were born we have prayed for their vocation. We aren’t culturally Catholic or Christian…we live and breathe the word and will of Christ every day in the best way we can as sinners. We pray for that path and for Gods will and…

Whatever they are called to. 

So when he was four and told us, that he felt called to the priesthood, We didn’t really think much of it other than it was cool. But now it’s been seven years…

He has had small crushes. But has never wavered. He still prays about it every night.

And then today happened. 

I saw him as he was getting ready, and he looked like he was meant to be there. He looked completely and totally at peace. 

He was nervous this morning. He’s new at being an altar server and was afraid he’d mess up. But maybe subconsciously he knew- he knew I’d see, and realize what he has always known…

He was always His. He was never ever truly mine. 

Like a slide show- when I saw him- his entire life flashed in front of me.  

 His birth and being born with the call.

His absolute fascination with everything church related.

His reading the bible all the way through multiple times.

His asking to wait a year for first communion because he didn’t feel ready. Him saying(to this day)  his first communion was the best day of his life.

His fascination with the saints and religious life…his outstanding compassion.

His natural leadership…his total commitment to others…his unwavering faith. 

There are others things that have been totally telling to us, completely God ordained, but those aren’t God ordained to share. 

I feel like I should say that God may lead him in a different direction. People like to tell him that when he tells him what he longs for today…I just tell him as long as he is following God he will be where he is meant to be. Good men have changed their minds, and served Gods people just as well. He will follow Gods lead. We know that. 

But today, I know what I saw. 

I saw his face. His entire life is still in front of him, and already he knows…

That his faith exceeds most. 

That he is being called. 

That he will listen. 

That He is His.

It is beautiful, but still I had to catch my breath. Because he is not mine, not really. We have been entrusted to be his caregivers, we have loved him his whole life, and it is a gift to us. Every single day. 

He is already showing us the way. 

Towards Him.

He was never mine. 

He was always His.