“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you…” Jeremiah 1:5 

When she was a baby she slept in the crook of my arm. For her first six months she lay perfectly still in the little place close to my heart. Still to this day- when she crawls into our bed- she and I assume that position more often than not. 

This morning she woke up and just wanted me. We watched a Barbie show. She colored and talked to me while I cleaned the kitchen. She helped me fold laundry, and I helped her pick out her clothes. When I dropped her off at school- she hugged me tightly, and came to the door and waved to me three times. 

Today when I picked up the middle schoolers, my friend and I parked next to each other because I had her daughter. Grace’s little friend, her youngest daughter said hi to to Grace through the door. As my friend and I chatted, Grace climbed into their car with their daughter.  She does this often, but she usually tells me. Today she did not.

When kids were all seated, I started my car. And suddenly their car door flew open and my daughter popped out. I got her in and buckled and told her that she cannot ever get out of the car unless she has let me know. 

She nodded, but didn’t say a word. 

I dropped off the middle schoolers and carpool kids.

As soon as they were out- the flood gates burst.

“I thought you were going to leave me…” 

“I was so scared!!!!”

“I’m soooo sorry Mommy!!!!” 

“Don’t ever leave me!!!” 

She sobbed so much I parked and she climbed into my arms. Her heart was pounding as she cried big tears, and I got choked up too- because the second I saw that door open my heart dropped. She wasn’t with me. And from her tears I know it was the first moment she thought I forgot her. That I would leave her. 

I held her against me- leaned into the place she has always rested. And she immediately calmed. 

When a child is a newborn- their mothers heartbeat regulates theirs outside the womb. That feeling of baby on Mama’s Chest regulates and brings their heart beat in-sync.

My beautiful Grace and I never had to learn that. We just knew. 

I remember when she got her first kidney infection and had a 105 fever at 6 months, and we lay in the doctor office as they ran tests.  I cried, because she was too weak to cry. But she just stared at me and knew I wouldn’t leave her. For years with every test and every infection, and every excruciating procedure…she would hold my hand and watch my eyes. 

And then after I would hold her, and together our heart beats would regulate. And we’d begin to breathe again. 

We often joked when she was little if she could she’d crawl back into my womb, she has always been all about me. She studies my face, my clothes. She traces the veins on my hands. She wants to be just like me, she says. 

Somedays she exhausts me because she is so full of Life, and feels so much, and everything in her world is so big. But most days she reminds me that life is such a gift. She knows that. She has never doubted that her life is a gift.

She lives it to the fullest. She makes every experience count.

She regulates my heartbeat. 

She reminds me with her insatiable laughter and twinkling eyes. The way she prank calls her dad and my sister, and pretends she’s someone else and then turns to me and says “they have NO idea.” How she wears her heart on her sleeve along with layers of lip gloss and brings fancy into everything. She is covered in glitter and a layer of dirt or whatever else she finds exciting that day.  How she annoys her brothers and the next minute they can’t stop laughing. 

She has been off her meds for one year, and has been without an outbreak kidney infection in 20 months. That is a gift. 

And so is she.

God gave us a Grace- because we had no idea how much one little girl could bring such light into our lives. But she does… every. single. day. 
I dread first grade next year. I dread sharing her all day. But I know that whoever she meets is touched by her sparkle. She brings light to this world. 

Today we cried together. But it was a lesson for her. And for me. 

There’s plenty of time left for her to grow up. But she’ll always need me. And always needs to know I will never leave. 

God gave us Grace, because God knew what He was doing…we needed her. 

And He will never leave us, and has known us since we were born. 

What a gift to know how precious your life every single day. What a gift to live each day to the fullest. 

What a gift our Grace is. 

My favorite little heartbeat.  

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…I want to be just like her. 


Wearing our matching Aprons from my friend Renee. ❤️