10 A wife of noble character who can find?

    She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her

    and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

    all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax

    and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,

    bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still night;

    she provides food for her family

    and portions for her female servants.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;

    her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,

    and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff

    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor

    and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;

    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

    and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

    she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,

    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household

    and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

    her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women do noble things,

    but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. -proverbs 31: 10-31 

Dear Woman in Proverbs,

We read about you and I think- seriously I want to be like you. I want my children to rise up and call me blessed.

But could you set the bar any higher? 

Today I woke up and got my family ready for the early mass at church. I had to listen to one of my kids complain and tell another one, “No, we do not wear sweats” and remind another one that wearing day old underwear DOESN’T count, and “No, you can not go commando.” I fought with my daughter as she wouldn’t let me brush her hair. I threw on the clothes I wore yesterday. And didn’t get to shower…again.

I was the last one out of the door until I noticed one of my kids hadn’t brushed their teeth. Through gritted teeth, I told them to get back inside. 

We were  little rumbled, and not ironed, but we went. 

And I put on make up while we drove to church. 

And I had forgotten to brush my teeth after coffee. 

I didn’t speak with wisdom as I whispered in my child’s ear that “No, we do not sit that way. No, we do not sleep. No, we do not slouch. Please stop putting your mouth on that. Please look up. Stop squeezing his hand so tight…” 

I tried to pray, but every time I closed my eyes my daughter was spinning, or pulling, or going through my purse. She took a tampon a part. So there, Proverbs lady…faithful instruction was not my strong suit during church. 

My husband had to go into work today. It was supposed to be his day off. We got home and I began laundry and cleaning…and started to change sheets. And made our family chore list- and gave them a time limit of play until we did chores.

I wrote down our meals for the week. I put our dinner in the crockpot. And I did not eat the bread of idleness, because I’m not really a bread person anyway. I did not sit down.

The timer went off. 

And I reminded them it was time to do stuff. The teenager started right away. But one did not. And then another complained. 

And I should have been kind. I should have taken a deep breath. 

But instead I lost it. Like full on yelling. I was not clothed with strength and dignity. I was clothed with impatience and mommy-rage. And I may have just started throwing things away. And I used the word shit, twice. Maybe three times. 

But here’s the thing. Instantly things changed. All of them started working. It was if they needed a little “oh crap she’s losing it” call from reality. 

When their Dad works a lot, I work a lot. And when they are busy, I am busy. And seriously…I sometimes want to feel appreciated. And just have people work with a happy heart. 

In those moments I didn’t find a lot of worth in anything I did. I yelled. I wasn’t patient. And even when I cleaned for hours my house was a total mess. 

But I remembered as I put away another load of towels that I fear not doing Gods will. I don’t need the spotlight. I just need his plan.

I am not the perfect wife. But I love my husband. I still day dream about him, and I wish I was better at the house keeping, organization, budgeting part. I haven’t been perfect- and he works harder than any person I’ve ever met. I’m not always grateful when he comes home and I’ve been dealing with boy hormones and  Grace refuses to take off my boots. But I love him.  And I am hopelessly devoted to him on the good and bad days. 

I am not clothed in linen.  I am clothed in workout clothes. At home I wear my 20 year old ripped up sweatshirt my dad gave me. With my Irish Pajama pants. I wear chipped nail polish my daughter put on me. And I don’t look good in purple. But I will give and give and give to those who need love. 

My lamp doesn’t go out at night because I have to wash baseball pants, and he got a call out, and I can’t go to bed with a messy kitchen or front room…and a friend needs prayer. 

I still haven’t showered. 

But I love.

I love them. My family. Earlier they wouldn’t have called me blessed. Crazy. A little Mean. But not blessed. But the amazing thing is that after the chores were mostly finished and I realized that while I think you are super amazing Proverbs wife,  your shoes are bigger than mine. If you asked my kids later if I loved them- I know what they’d say. They’d say “without a doubt.” Because I do. 

I lost it. But their rooms are clean. And we had a great day. 

We laughed a lot. We always do. 

I’m not perfect. 

I’m not the perfect mother. 

Not the perfect wife. 

But I am blessed. Not because of what I do- but because of who God is- and because of who I love. Because of them I will work and strive to bring honor to my family. To bring honor by my hands, my words, my life. 

Even if I do say shit. 

As long as I’m bringing my Praise and Glory to the only One who deserves it, I think my character flaws just add a little something extra. 

The joy of the Lord is strength,