I couldn’t sleep last night. 

I tossed and turned as thoughts blurred together.

This happens every few months and the thoughts are always random.

Would my alarm go off? 

Am I failing as a homemaker? 

Why do I hate shaving my legs?

Why are people so fixated on Reality TV stars personal lives? 

Why don’t I believe every inch of me is perfect from the bottom to the top? 

Do I snore?

And I just tossed and turned.

I woke up before my alarm. 

It was dark and grey outside. 

As I got dressed in the dark to workout, my day was already starting with splotches of dark spots. 

Because I hadn’t slept, every thing seemed a little too bleak. 

It wasn’t just me. Every person I’ve talked to and prayed for was having that kind of Monday. 

Too much heavy stuff. 

Too much second guessing. 

And I carry the burdens when my kids are hurting and some days are just hard. 

My kids kept fighting. 

All I wanted to do was climb back in bed. 

But I can’t. 

Because I choose to not be that person anymore. I choose to not hide from the sadness. 

So I felt it. And I felt tired. But I also did things. 

And prayed for people. And checked in on people. 

And sat in the car and watched it rain. Stared at the blurry drops that rested on the window.

What is it about some days? What is it that makes good days so good? And some days filled with little splotches of heart ache? 

But today I thought a lot about the good that can come from not letting all the other blotchy little dark spots define it. 

I wanted to–

Because that would make it easier. 

But it wouldn’t make it better. 

And 

Worry won’t make it better. 

Today I received an affirmation from a friend who had no idea what my day had shaped up to be. She had no idea how powerful her words were.

And she spoke truth and evaporated some dark spots with kindness. 

And I realized that dark splotches aren’t permanent. 

They aren’t stains- they’re temporary. 

They just rest on the surface. 

And sometimes all we need is to hear kindness. 

Some prayer. 

And to stand outside, and tilt my face into the  rain. 

So I did that. 

Tomorrow is a new day. 

Today I wanted to climb back in bed. But instead I stood in the rain. 

And was willing to seek out the good, even with the dark spots. 

Happy Monday.