(joyful mysteries note: I don’t even know how to share about my friend Brit. How to even explain how seeking each other out because we liked each other’s hair when our boys were 8 was great, and finding out with in minutes of meeting that we were both passionately in love with Jesus, our husbands, and our family. But. But. Then she moved away. And I thought maybe we’d drift a part but we stayed close…and when she came back we had more things that bound us together than ever. Our lives are different, she is back in school and home schools- but we speak the same real. We sit at coffee and lay all our cards out. She has seen me at my absolute worst. She was the first person I told I had PTSD, and she wasn’t surprised. She had coffee with me every week last year…and I don’t remember even a quarter of them. But she was there. She showed up. And she stayed.  And she is one of the biggest stars in my life. I love you so much Brit. Thank you for sharing your real today. Thank you…for everything.)

  

                           Gold Star Days

 

“Mom, you earned a gold star today!” With a twinkle in her eye she pressed a shiny gold sticker to my raggedy PJ t-shirt. This girl. The one with the uncanny gift of encouragement always has an eye on me.

 

It is easy to forget that we have a personal audience. The people closest to us are watching and taking note of how we are navigating life. They see both when we are taking steps of faith and those times we are not trusting God. When we are being complacent or when we are truly thriving. I am realizing that the purpose for my life is not what I would have ever expected or even thought I had the capacity for. One of the greatest things I can do for my children is to let them see me live out those purposes and pave the way for them to do the same. I want to understand how I am uniquely and wonderfully made so that they can understand that for themselves. 

 

I had had one of those weeks. You know the ones. The kind of week where you feel defeated, deflated, and you just want to run away to Target. (Ok, maybe that is just me). This year I decided to take a wild leap and go to college, AT THE AGE OF 32. This whole idea seemed a little crazy with a husband working nights and homeschooling a middle schooler and 9 year old, but eh, why not? Well this particular week was intense – the homework was endless, the kids had state testing ,the husband got brutal food poisoning and I had the worst test of my life. We were all just one big happy family!  With giant bags under my eyes, an even more giant pile of laundry to do and the whole having to feed and educate everyone thing – I began to feel overwhelmed and like a big old loser. I began to question what the heck I was doing in college and should I even be there? Then my little girl, my personal admirer, places a gold star on my shirt while I tuck her in.

 

As I proudly wore my gold star I was reminded of why I was doing the things I was doing. For one, I want to honor God with my life and for now that means, in part, pursuing my education. Words I NEVER thought I would say. I desire to run hard and squeeze out every ounce of purpose possible in this life. I want to chase crazy dreams and see God move in ways that are bigger than my piddly little schemes. I want my children to witness this! I pray that my kids will want the same for their lives. I pray that for you too.

 

Most of the time I am on the brink of utter exhaustion. FOR REALS. In all honestly, I am ok with that. I am learning that it is OK to let life be hard – That the truth is, life is not about my comfort or safety or really me at all, but about so so much more. 

 

Today is a gold star day – What will you do with it?

 

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I am a Jesus follower, proud law enforcement wife, homeschooling mama, full-time student, and lover of bargain hunting. I love feeding people baked goods, sipping on snobby coffee & date nights with my guy. My desire is to champion women to walk in their life with purpose – to know that their dreams matter! My current project is convincing my husband that having pet ducks is completely normal….can I get an Amen?! My husband has aptly nicknamed me the “One Woman Circus” and I wouldn’t change that for the world!