(jM note- hasn’t been edited yet- read at your own risk.)

Locking in these moments. When they are little. When the world isn’t pushing in and down and influencing. When there isn’t someone to impress. I am grateful for their lives, and I’m terrified of someone taking what is so beautiful and precious to me and changing them. 

Jesus I trust you. 

I’ve been thinking often about the wolves in sheep clothing. It brings a chill to my spine as I think of what our kids are being exposed to. I want to come in and shield. So much is  available with a tap of a finger. And we accept so much. 

We accept sin. And welcome it. Because we don’t want to offend. We don’t want to point out the wolves or look too “something.” 

And yet, the wolves arrive regardless. 

They don’t care.

And they strike fear into my heart. And I fear for my children. 

I live in a world where moms go to a Movie about a woman being a sex Slave riddled with domestic violence on Valentine’s Day. Wolves or sheep…

I live in a world where cheating is ignored, and people praise the person for finding their true love. When a heart is crushed. And there is always a victim. Wolves or sheep. 

I live in a world where we promote fitness while body shaming. No one is safe. A famous singer has a baby, and is publicy called names by another public personality on Twitter. And we shake our head while we judge the friend who confides they can’t lose weight.  Wolves or Sheep. 

My kids can’t tell people what their Dad does. Because some people look like sheep…but they want to hurt my family. 

Girls set up Social Media accounts and tell other girls to kill themselves. They bully by text. By photo. With Evil words. And parents don’t hold accountability, or teach their children to be good people. Send. Send. Send. Wolves or sheep. 

And I can’t stop it. Because they are there. Wolves among us. 

My children, who I have grown and birthed and held, and loved since their first breath. My children,  who are beautiful and messy, and hopeful and hopefilled. 

And I remember wrapping my hands tightly around their little small palms, and leading them, and now they walk along side of me. And one has a voice that is changing, and who is aware and sees. Who knows kids that use drugs, who knows girls that have been bullied by social media. A man child whose best friend texted him last year he was fat, who doesn’t want people to see him cry. 

And I talk to him about the wolves…”I know Mom.” He says, but I know he doesn’t. Because as the years pass his friends will change, and be pulled into packs. Away from those who have held and loved them. They will renounce things that held value, and take risks that could kill them. 

“I know Mom.” 

But he doesn’t. Because I didn’t know. I didn’t know my best friend would become an alcoholic. Or that someone I love who has children who would become victims to a monster. I didn’t know that my sister would become the victim of domestic violence.  I didn’t know.

I thought every one would want the best for each other. I believed in the best in everyone…

Jesus I trust in You. 

Because I am locking this in. These moments. Because I can’t keep the world out. But I can pray over them as they sleep. As their eyes become heavy, I can pray for protection. I can lead them  to trust their gut, and talk to them, and listen. I can stand unities with their father as we guide and raise, and expect accountability. And I can love. Love them when the mistakes come, when the wolves have slipped past me, and they cry. And hold them, and tell them what I know. 

Which isn’t a whole lot these days, but Somedays just enough. 

Today, I locked those moments in, and saw them carefree and I prayed that their hearts would be completely HIs. That he would take care of my children, his children.

That when the wolves come they won’t choose me, but will choose Him. Who is stronger. Greater. 

And I will be here. 

I will not choose terror or worry,  but will pray  protection and  life over them. A life that holds eternity in the future, and hope in their heart. A life beyond sheep. A life beyond the wolves. A life of love. 

Love locked in.