February 17. The In Between

We all focus on the big stuff.

The big huge life transitions.

The firsts.

The firsts are where we invest countless hours and energy. We place them on shelves, and in frames. We scribble the firsts on calendars and compare other landmarks to them. They are important. They are the big stuff.

The first orange leaf. The first snow. The first small bulb peeking out of the ground. The first lazy summer sunlight.

And these moments bring us back to other firsts. And we remember. Our firsts.

But there is not as much focus on the in between. The moments that don’t end up on a calendar or in the journal. The moments that pass by with such efficiency we don’t even recognize them. The kindness of a stranger. The random little happy moments that pass us by. The smell of clean baby soft hair right after a bath leaning into us. Clean sheets out of the dryer. I never thought a lot about them, but years ago my friend Kati said something about those in between moments and something resonated.

And I’ve been thinking a lot about them.

Those moments.

And I’ve been trying lately to focus on these. Because I’m realizing while they don’t make the list of big things, these are the things I long to remember.

The roughness of my Dyp’s cheek against my face first thing in the morning. The little way Jonah always comes to say good night and give me a hug. The way Daniel will stop whatever we’re doing and ask if we can pray. Micah leaning into my face when I’m taking a nap to make sure I’m actually asleep, so close that I can feel his eyelashes. Grace singing in her room.

I remember the first time I saw my Love. I remember the first time we kissed. I remember all of our firsts. But waking up next to him day after day, in the in between kids, in between bills, in between birthdays and anniversaries is my favorite.

We have seen enough sadness and transition. We have felt enough tension and newness.
But right now I just love the in between. The growing up and growing old together. The way the grey shows in his hair, and the way he has never in all the 19 years together complained about the spider veins on my legs.

I used to try to cover them up. But as I get older they are just another in between part of me. And maybe that’s what the lesson in real is about- being okay with the blemished parts of us. And falling in love with all the moments.

Especially the in between.

It’s too easy in our fast, news flash, instantaneous world of over dosed imagery to miss out on them…but they are happening. I don’t want to miss all the things that needed to be said, or should’ve been said, because of a device.

I want to live and rejoice, and love the in between.

Because someday…the in betweens will have bigger pauses between them. Someday life will have passed by so quickly and my body will have slowed down. And I will begin to have more lasts.

The big stuff will always be big. Hurdles will be jumped, or even walked around until we are strong enough to jump.

I found the in between when I looked through my photos. Pictures I didn’t realize were taken, but show the moments captured that may have just passed by if I hadn’t taken the time to look…

And see…the In Between.