It was a Friday.

I was watching my son twist on his head at break dance when I got the call.

“Leave now. I need you here.”

The way he said it scared me.

I drove towards his voice…not knowing.

And then…I saw his face, I knew.

248. Friend. Gone. Taken. Stolen.

Gone… doing his job.  It happened so fast.

The world kept moving so fast, our “family” all stopped moving..

Everyone can tell you what they were doing that day.  What was happening.  It was three years ago, and yet it was yesterday. The sky was blue, and our world stopped.

 

When I met Chris Killcullen, he wasn’t how I pictured him.  My husband had him on a pedestal as one of the baddest coolest officers he’d ever met, and then I met him.  And he was so warm. So friendly. So approachable. And I said to him, he wasn’t what I pictured, and he said, “Really? I’m better looking than you expected aren’t I?”  As we talked and laughed he told me how much he respected my Dyp and what a good man he was.  Somehow in all the things that people have said to me over the years, that moment is frozen in my mind.  I remember those words.

 

I have every text Kristie has sent me.

Every funny quote.

I sent her 80’s videos every Friday for a year.

I have saved every heart wrenching one liner she has written that has defined the past three years.

She and I have never had to have explanations.

There are really good days. And really bad days.

Grief is not linear.

We can go weeks without talking and then send each other 30 messages in an hour.

She is strong and broken, and everything that inspires me to love beyond measure.

She has taught me about healing, and showing up.

And she is my kindred.  So dear and close, and real.

I. love. real.

I. love. her.

 

April 22, Changed our entire community.

Even after as issues and scandals, and other heartaches have ensued, we are closer than we’ve ever been. Even when people have tried to write it, twist us, take away the bond we have they can’t.  Chris was stolen but he left a legacy of giving always.  Never taking life or a moment for granted. Enjoying every day.  Things will never be the same.  They can never be the same.  But God is good, and heals. And while it still will ache and heals us differently, we will remember to live. Every day.

Thank you to the Officers who work with and protect our city every day.  Thank you to those who fight the good fight with my Dyp. Thank you to all those dispatchers, records, forensics, and every one else who watches out and is the back bone of the Dept and such a support to my Hero.  You all are Men and Women of Integrity, and I love you.

Thank you to all my sisters who get it. Who don’t  sleep, and hold my hand through this journey.

Thank you Dyp.  For being my hero.

Thank you to Kristie.  In the past month in your own grief you have given me more love and support than I could have ever asked for.  Thank you for being my kindred. I would walk through fire for you. And I will always say something inappropriate and pray for you(if that can fit in the same sentence.) I love you. So much.

And Thank you to Chris…a man of honor and integrity.  You are missed every day. You are loved by so many. Thank you for being my husband’s friend.