Things you should never ever say…Ever.

“Oh! Are you expecting a baby?”

Followed up by…

“You’re not pregnant? Oh well I guess because you’ve had four kids you must just carry a little bit up front.”

Because no matter how you think it sounds in your head, it is a million billion times worse to the person that is hearing you.  And this is why…

You don’t know if that person has been spending the past couple of years wishing they could have a baby. Or that maybe it hurts their heart because they wish they were pregnant, even though they have a lot of kids. You don’t know that they already have names picked out, just in case.  You don’t know that that person’s daughter might have asked God for a sister and cries during bedtimes prayers because she still doesn’t have one.  You don’t know that this person is trying to accept God’s will for her family, even though she might wish it was bigger.

Or…you don’t know that maybe you aren’t the first person who has asked that question in the past month.  Except last time it was a nine year old kid. You don’t know that maybe the person you are saying that to has had a very stressful year, including a hip injury and is working really hard at being in shape. You don’t know that that person may be much harder on herself then you could ever imagine.  That this person has to work really hard at finding the balance to be healthy, but not negative about weight or food around her kids.

Or…maybe this person had just lost a baby.  That happened to be a few years ago…and…was…horrible.

Or…you may not realize you sound like a jerk. Because you do.

What I wish I could have said… the truth is…I have had a few kids. I have the bags under my eyes to prove it. And sometimes it makes me sad I’m not pregnant, because I love being a Mom and I’d love to have more. But that hasn’t happened, and I’m okay with that most days. My body is different.  I still don’t even have feeling along where my incision was from my C Section with Grace.  But I have been working really hard at getting into better shape after what has been one of the most stressful years of my life where I put on a few pounds and couldn’t work out like I like.  And it’s not easy.  And I’m disappointed that I have invested so much sadness into something that is superficial. Because no matter how many times I tell myself myself worth has nothing to do with my weight, society feeds us something different.  I am proud of the fact that I was able to carry my babies in my womb, that they stretched my insides out and I got to experience that. And while I can never wear a bikini thanks to the fact that I have the stomach that resembles tiger stripes/stretch marks…I would do it again.  Even if that meant I’d have to go through the heart ache again.  Even if that meant I’d have to deal with the loss again.  If you really want to comment on my appearance let me show you my stretch marks.  Or lets talk about my boobs.  They aren’t perky, and after kids they never went away…  They were working boobs for years but now they are just in the way. When a baby cries in a grocery store I still cover my chest in case I start to lactate.  If you want to get really crazy maybe we could talk about the fact that I can’t laugh without peeing my pants a little. Or jump on a trampoline without peeing a lot. Maybe next time I will say these things.  Or maybe I’ll just punch someone in their perky boob.

We never really know what someone is going through or how what we say can affect them…so maybe just not say it.

You never really know “the little up front”  you mention, hurts more then a little.

So…no I’m not pregnant, I’m a Mom.