“The Truth Shall Set you Free, but first it will piss you off.” – Gloria Steinmen

When I was 18 I thought I knew everything…I loved God. I loved my family. I loved DYP. Everything else was just details.

When I was 18 I was sure by the time I was 30, I’d have it all figured out.  Now I’m past 30 and I have a few things figured out, but spend more of my time thinking I really know nothing, because there are too many details…I have 6 schedules to keep track of, a dog that likes to dig, and I can’t remember the last time I went to the bathroom by myself. My friend Sally once said she used to tell her five kids that if they couldn’t find her to look under a large pile of laundry.  Story of my life.

When I first starting writing I heard constantly, “Write what you know…” that’s what I’ve stuck to.  Maybe in the overload of details I’ve lost my imagination, but I don’t think so. I think it’s just on a hiatus.  But there are some Truths that stay with me.  They set me a part, and really set me free to be who I truly am.  Good chance some of them may piss you off.

Truth.

I am writing this while my boys are doing homework next to me at our kitchen table.  I have these grand idea’s of home schooling…until I help Jonah with his fifth grade homework.  And then I try to distract him.  And then I remember why it’s probably a good idea he goes to a school.  I’m too much of a party girl.  You want to talk about algebra?  How about Bon Jovi + The Super Bowl = Awesome!

Truth.

I have lost almost every battle when it comes to my sons. I said no toy guns, they made them out of sticks. They love hunting with their Dad.  I said no video games ever. I play “Just Dance” with them. I said no contact sports. Jonah is playing his first year of Tackle Football.  And I survived; I’m so thankful for meat in our freezer, laughing with my kids during Mario Kart, and Jonah loves football.  The only battle I’ve ever won is that my kids will never ever be allowed to ride ATV’s.  A friend was killed on one, and I won’t ever change my mind on that. Ever.

Truth.

I want to run a marathon I think. But I think I may poop my pants. Or die. I’m not joking.  Also I have hardly ran at all this summer and my hip has been hurting.  I’m discouraged and grumpy, and I’m still trying to figure out how to fit working out into my detail-filled time-limited life. I wish I was faster. I wish I could keep up with my sisters. Or my Betty’s. My only source of pride is I can do a lot of push ups. A month ago I did yoga, and it’s official — I’m not bendy. I know you’re shocked. And with that being typed, I want to go running.

Truth.

The older I get the more I despise politics. And political commercials. And political agenda’s.  And Reality TV. I despise that too.  Because you never really know who is real.  Who is telling the Truth.  And you are trusting people with your freedom. Your time. And it’s depressing.

Truth.

I absolutely hate when people are treated unfairly for no reason. I hate when people expect people to treat them badly and then become bullies. And I cannot stand when money makes people become mean. Also that whole thing of “it’s just business” is just a fancy way of saying “I deserve to be kicked in the crotch.”

Truth.

I love babies. I wouldn’t mind having another. I love other people’s babies. I’m terrified of having another.

Truth.

I wasn’t truly pro-life until I lost our Mary.  But I’ve seen a baby that’s considered a fetus…she was a miracle- and she was a baby. She had eye lashes and nails. I just didn’t get to keep her.  I’m all for women being taken care of, but there is a mind-body-spirit element in there. And I don’t care who you are…no matter what you “choose” that stuff doesn’t leave you.  Every time you see a baby that age you think, I wonder if they’d look like that. There is a hollowness that never ever leaves. Truth. I ache for my daughter.

Truth.

God loves gay people as much as he loves you.

Truth.

It never fails that whenever I talk to certain “Moms” who I’m never sure if they like me or judge me, My daughter acts like a heathen.  It’s like she knows.  Seriously she gives them total fuel to gossip about me later.  Which I am positive they do.

Truth.

I like tattoo’s.

Truth.

I really really hate when people tickle my kids.  Like Hate it.  It makes me really uncomfortable. I just think it’s weird when adults are touchy with kids. Creepy weird.

Truth.

My husband is the hardest worker I’ve ever met. And handsomest man.  And greatest Dad.  I still can’t believe he chose me.

Truth.

One of the hardest conversations I have ever had was recently. Through texts.

Truth.

I am so proud of my kids.  They are joy a million times over.

Truth.

I spend way too much time focusing on what I don’t do right.  How I’m not thin enough.  How I may have an unhealthy obsession with my air popcorn maker.  How sometimes I say too much. Or don’t say enough. I spend way too much time getting caught in the details…but I’m working on that. Right now I’m listening to my kids dance and giggle, or they may be being ninja’s.  The truth is I am so grateful for my kids. I am so grateful for my husband. I’m so grateful for my family, and my friends. God continues to be faithful, even through the hard things.  I write what I know and He is so good.

What sets me free right now: The way my heart thumps still when DYP looks at me…Jonah’s laugh,  Daniel’s amazing hugs, Micah’s sense of humor, and Grace’s addictive joy.

The rest is just details. That’s the truth.