I didn’t write yesterday. For many reasons. 

I didn’t want to write today…I’ve had a lot of truths come up recently but also a lot of life. 

There hasn’t been enough time to stop and write all of the thoughts rushing through, as I pray, as I drive kids places, as I listen as they share their choices and lives, and loving them through the growing pains and heartaches. 

So maybe I’ll just share one piece. One part. But it was a big part. 

A real part.

Can I start by saying how much I love my Daniel? 

Can I start by saying how I don’t deserve to be his Mom? 

He is the most loving, compassionate, passionate person I’ve ever known. 

This morning I was tired, and I was the worst version of myself. I was impatient, and unkind, and hurt his heart with my words because we were running late. 

You want real? 

That’s my real. I was an asshole. 

And then things didn’t go the way they should’ve when he went to play his soccer game. He left the game feeling even more deflated than he should have. But who he is was noticed. He was named Team Captain for the week. Still he cried on the way home. 

He works so hard in life. 

I had apologized to him earlier before his game and he never thought twice–He forgave me immediately. Because that’s who he is. He is a million times better than me. 

I apologized again after. and he hugged me so hard. 

Harder than I deserve. 

5 hours later. 

He was serving at Mass. He looked so handsome up there. 

When we were walking in, they asked us to bring up the gifts. We have only been asked to do that once in all the years we’ve been there. 

Micah took the wine- Jonah took the hosts–and Grace took the Collection. And I walked right behind them. 

Toward the other Altar Server, towards the Priest, and toward him…my Daniel. 

Who was beaming at us. 

Whose face was so proud of us. 

Whose face holds more faith in his twinkling eyes that I can ever dream of. 

My heart swelled and hurt with love. I don’t deserve that love. 

I swallowed back tears and thanked Jesus for loving an undeserving me, and thanked him for the millionth time for my children. 

They are the most beautiful gift I’ve ever been given. 

My God, thank you for my Daniel. 

I learned a lot of truths today. 

And it hurt. 

But I also think I saw a tiny glimpse of God’s love in my 11 year olds eyes. 

Right in that moment as we walked towards the altar, as he looked most at home. 

And his eyes shined such love. 

We don’t deserve this love, and yet…

There. It. Is. 

Not because of who we are, but because of who He is.