Recently I listened to that song “Jesus Take the Wheel” and I started to laugh…because right about when I started this revolution I gave Him the wheel, He not only took that- He took the map- my keys, and now I’m in the back seat. 

Somedays I feel like I can see where I’m headed, and I press my forehead against the glass trying to gauge my location, and where this is all going…but most days it’s too winding, and I feel completely lost. 

I say…”I trust in You.” And I do, but I also have a really hard time seeing where this will all end up. Where I’ll end up. 

Will I be stronger? Will I know what Gods will is? Will doors be opened, or closed? 

Last week I browsed the University class catalogue. Then I read the want ads…wondering and searching. Would God show me something, or anything about where I’m supposed to be next? I’m getting to that place where my kids are old enough for me to work more, and I wondered if I have been missing something. I found myself under or completely over qualified and then I felt confused that I don’t know how I can pursue anything when I’m not sure yet what He has. But let me tell you…there was nothing that said Wanted: Passionate Writer and Speaker, who sings with an 80’s tribute band, is pretty scrappy, and always makes jokes at the most inappropriate time and wants to attend every class trip for her kids forEVER.

And maybe that’s why I haven’t seen anything… 

But I’m still writing. 

And He’s still driving.

 I’m still strapped in to His will.

He told me to write every day this year. To be real and vulnerable, on the beautiful days and on the messy days. And it’s been freeing and terrifying…because sometimes the lines and scribbles of life are hard to put into words. 

It’s also been uncomfortable as I try to see the next destination, and my only instructions “keep speaking the Real.” The feedback is all over the place, some find it refreshing, I’ve read life changing guest pieces, and some people flat out tell me they don’t read my blog, or they don’t have time to read it. I love hearing that one, tell the person with four kids, whose husband works 70 hours a week, and has been told to write everyday that you don’t have time. 

But yet again…it’s never really been about me. It’s always been about Him.  

So we drive. 

I feel like we’re close and yet…I still don’t see it. But I know I’ve seen peaks and valleys. I’ve found grace in just trusting for words every single day.  And after being broken into a million pieces a year ago- it’s so nice to feel big and love hard, and have Him take the wheel. 

And my keys. And the map. 

So, I watch the scenery and write my truth. Thank you to everyone who has jumped in next to me, who has strapped up tight and leaned back with me. Thank you for praying for me- and with me. I have been so touched by your real. 

And I just write. And live.