The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion. When a land transgresses, it has many rulers, but with a man of understanding and knowledge, its stability will long continue. A poor man who oppresses the poor is a beating rain that leaves no food. Those who forsake the law praise the wicked, but those who keep the law strive against them. Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand it completely. -Proverbs 28: 1-5


When he leaves everyday I tell him “Be Safe.”  I have loved him since I was 17.  Before he wore a badge.  When he still wore Simple’s and a “Save Ferris” T Shirt.  

A lot of people meet their significant other after they have been doing the job for a while.  But we went into this career together. We prayed about it. 9/11 changed us, and he had a yearning to do more.  So we did.  Together.  While I nursed and cared for our newborn son at home, he worked all day and went to a reserve academy at night.  Then we left our sweet little home and moved to where he has built his career.  It is not our identity but it has changed much of our reality…If he was still a real estate appraiser I can guarantee this:

I wouldn’t have slept on the couch until he made it home for 7 years. 

He wouldn’t have missed years of Holidays and Birthdays. 

He wouldn’t have been called in on our Anniversary or Mother’s Day. 

We’d have a subscription to the paper. 

We wouldn’t be guarded about what he does. My kids don’t tell people about their Dad’s job until we know them well, we don’t talk about it in public places, and we don’t publicize it.   For all of our safety. 

I wouldn’t have been emailed by a “high school” friend to ask about my thoughts on marijuana and when I have a noncommital answer, they emailed others and said I’d become judmental. 

I wouldn’t clean my house before bed when he was at work in case someone came to tell me the worst had happened. 

I wouldn’t have his best work friends’ funeral plans saved on my computer and in my safe. 

I wouldn’t have had to think about the what if’s.  

I wouldn’t have asked (which I still regret) his best friend to always protect him. 

I wouldn’t have had to see him come home, time after time, after being spit on, cussed out, fought, after tackling a high naked guy and watch him lay on the floor reading to our boys like it was just a normal day.  

He wouldn’t have to sit with his back against the wall in a public place,  where he could see the door.  

We wouldn’t be at his childhood church, approached by a lifelong family friend whose first words were, “So have you shot anybody yet?” or at a family event and have one of my family members say “Why do cops keep shooting people.” 

We wouldn’t have had multiple friends shot, three friends die due to a gun shot wounds, and another killed in the line of duty. Good People. Hero’s.  So very missed. 

I wouldn’t have a list of people that are to come to my house if Hell happens and they have to knock on my door. 

And yet…

We wouldn’t have become friends with some of the bravest most wonderful people I’ve ever met.  He wouldn’t have trained under amazing FTO’s and had Sergeants who are true leaders and loyal to him.  He wouldn’t have been able to take me and our friends on ride a longs, and put really really bad people away where they couldn’t hurt people anymore. He wouldn’t have been driving one night and felt the urge to go back to the station on a different route, only to be flagged down by a little old lady who had broken down, and after he brought her home invited him in and had him change her light bulbs and fix her window.  He wouldn’t have taken kids out of a home so deplorable and delivered them to my friend, a social worker’s arms. He wouldn’t have brought a girl he was arresting a birthday cake on her birthday, because no one else remembered. He bought a homeless family dinner. And these are just the stories I thought of right now.  The ones he’s shared with me. He works so hard, and he does such good work.  

And Yet…

He is still him.  He is still funny and goofy, mildly inappropriate.  He still lets our daughter paint his nails, and plays dollies with her.  He plays ping pong with the boys, and coaches their teams. Together we raise beautiful respectful god-filled children.  We pray together.  And he loves me. 

He treats people with respect.  He is good to his friends.  And right now, he is at work…it is dark, and the last week’s media reports have left me with a deep sense of fear for his safety.  Because I never know.  I pray every day, that he or anyone he works with never has to make that stop, make that call, take the shot, because we never know what those moments are like. We. Don’t. Know.  But some of his friends do, and the story is always so much more complicated and the tragedy is always so much different than what is percieved. 

But what I do know is that I want him to come home safe.  What I do know…when I say “Be Safe” it is words weighted with every prayer and ounce of love I can give so that he can lay next to me again.  So that he can say good morning to me.  So that I can pray with him again.  Hold his hand. Make love to him again.  In good times and bad, in sickness and in health. Until death. 

He promised to honor me my entire life when he proposed as he washed my feet. And he has.  Because he lives a life of honor.  And he is surrounded by people who are the same way.  They span the country.  They leave their families each day, put on a badge and belong to a city, a county or a state.  They do a job, and make choices that are second guessed and criticized, and have to make split decisions that can lead to so many things.  And there are days when nothing they do is right.  But they were just doing their job.  But because they belong to the city they have to be questioned and judged, and they wake up the next day and do it again.  All to come home to the people who see them for who they are…the real Heroes. 

When he comes home, He is ours. He is a Dad, a Son, a Brother.  He is a Friend, a Neighbor, a part of the Community. He is a man of God.  And he is my one true love. The love of my life.  

Be safe my friends. Be safe my love.