So in the past couple of months I’ve gotten three writing rejections…one I never heard back from(but my sister did and they are publishing her work!), one was a we will use this…sometime, and the last was a personal thanks but no thanks –it’s not you, it’s us…you are just not what we are looking for. I’m still not used to rejection for my writing.  And really I don’t know that I’ll ever be.

It’s not like I’ve never dealt with rejection. I was a Theatre Major…I heard “You’re crap” on a regular basis. And while it stung, I could always tweak it.  And I guess I always knew I’d never be the best or go far with acting.  I loved it, but not like I love writing. Maybe that’s why it stings more with these rejections…I love writing. I want to keep writing, but maybe this isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing.  Maybe this dream is just going to flourish in a blog and I’ll never get a book published or see my name in a thick glossy magazine and that really, really hurts. Not that I don’t like to blog and test mascara…but you know.

On top of it all truthfully I’m kind of in a slump.  Just a life slump.  I think it happened when I hurt my knee a while ago. I had to take a few weeks off from running, and it was really hard. I felt like my body was rejecting me.  And then our life got really busy again. I’m constantly running kids to something, not sleeping enough.  Our schedule was rejecting me, from even thinking. Our checkbook always rejects me.  And Grace is still dealing with a lot of health issues, and I can’t help her and that terrifies me. And I keep thinking I may look old or look like Kate Gosselin.  And to top it all off I’ve been feeling pretty rejected by some people I love a lot.  I feel like all I do is give, and every effort is one that I make. No one ever visits us, and it can get pretty lonely here. So…. Pack your baggy jeans, and fill your pockets with kleenex because we’re going on a woe-is-me-rejected trip. 

While you’re packing you might want to grab some mascara.  Because what is life, without a little maintenance?  So I’ll grab my latest test: Covergirl Lash Blast. Recommended by my sisters.  It comes in a fatty orange tube. I got the color black. Since it came recommended I was really hoping it would live up to what they said.  But like all the Cover girl mascara’s so far I was pretty indifferent. Not amazed, or too impressed. It went on okay, but it wasn’t really a blast for my lashes.  And they didn’t look long or lovely.  They just looked normal.  I think I may have been spoiled with the last few tests, because Lash Blast didn’t have much of a chance…and sadly my eyelashes looked nothing like Drew Barrymore’s in the ads.  Nothing.   So maybe me and Covergirl just aren’t a good pair.

Maybe that’s the moral of the story for my life the past few weeks.  Maybe all this rejection has very little to do with me, maybe I’m just not a good fit with some lives or a good fit for a publication.  And I’m just going to have to roll with it.  And I know I’m loved…I have kids that think I am funny and original, people I love who love me, whether I run with them or have coffee with them, or just catch up with them briefly on the phone.  And I have so many things to look forward to, to help me get out of this slump…Baby Hannah, Baby Nate, Baby Gianna…and I got to hold Baby Muller last week and I’m in love.  Holding a baby is the best kind of antidepressant.  And I get to look forward to big events and small events whether its Daniel dancing or Jonah getting his first communion. And I know that this slump is all me…

Because I have been pretty slack in my praying and trusting…and that makes all the rejection sting even more…because for some reason it makes me lose hope.  And that is so sad.  I’m sorry this post is not my usual uplifting self, but it is what it is. Like my Micah says to me every morning, “It’s a brand new day Mom,” that is something right now I have to cling to.  That tomorrow will be a better day, and today was just one of those days. I’m not going to even unpack my bag, because I don’t plan on staying here very long.

Covergirl Lash Blast final score: 6…sorry it’s not you, it’s me. 

Next stop, A brand new day.